Yesterday was a “melt down” kind of day. I didn’t understand why. It happened so suddenly, when a few stressful items were dropped into my lap. Still, it wasn’t enough to cause the physical response I had under normal circumstances. So I sat around all night trying to understand what the deal was. And I figured it out!
My doctor, after a bit of serious talk on my part, had referred me to the Weight Loss Center at the Univ of Mass Medical Center. This confession isn’t about my weight itself – I’ve already discussed that. But I would like to get healthier. I can’t cure the fibromyalgia but I suspect it will improve somewhat with a weight that’s closer to normal. I don’t smoke (never have) and drink rarely, so my vices (or health risks) are few. But weight is a big one (pun intended).
The Weight Loss Center has a specific set of meetings to attend before you even are accepted into the program. My husband and I attended the first orientation meeting before vacation in June. It was general information on the program. We attended the second orientation meeting 2 weeks ago. This one centered on the surgical treatments for those who qualify. I qualify: my BMI is over 40 and I have sleep apnea. We filled out the form and went home.
Yesterday, in the morning, I got a call from the WL Center to set up an intake appointment. This is really just a meeting with the physician who specializes in weight loss. We’ll determine which approach would be best for me. There will still be appointments to come with various specialists, including a psychologist, dietician, etc.. So I set up the appointment in September and made a couple of calls to get some records faxed to the center.
Personally, I’m considering the lap-band surgery to help control what I can eat. I know that weight loss is really a result of putting in less and moving more. With the fibromyalgia, the movement is not always in my control. So I’m hoping that by adding some additional control regarding what can go in, I will be able to accomplish some health benefit. I don’t think gastric by-pass surgery will be in the cards. It’s far more permanent and invasive. But that’s what all the meetings will be for, to determine what the best route for me is.
I think what happened was that reality set in yesterday morning. It’s one thing to go to informational meetings in an auditorium. Or to read about the program on the web site. It’s another to set up an appointment for myself and make that commitment to starting the process. Even though I know there’s always a way to say no, if I start something, I rarely back out. That means in my mind, “This is it!”
I confess the reality of really doing it scared me! Not in a conscious way. But in an increase of stress hormones and things like that. Things that don’t do this body good. So when the other issues cropped up a couple of hours later, I was a sitting duck for a melt down. So unfair. How can you prepare for something that you don’t know is coming? I like to be prepared.
I discussed this with my husband last night and he thinks I’m right on. It is scary to make a commitment to change your life in a dramatic way. He is the only one, besides you all, who knows about this commitment. I don’t need worriers and family and everyone else and his sister giving me their opinions. Causing more stress. I’m sure you all will give me your opinions, but I can delete them if they bother me. It’s harder to delete mothers or sisters or friends. So I’ll stick with sharing my anxiety and progress with you all, if that’s okay. Or even if it isn’t. I promise there will be many other topics in here, too. I’m just not a “one topic” kind of girl.
Speaking of other topics, my stepson and his girlfriend are in Boston today. The weather is nasty – temps in the low 60’s, rainy and very gray. The are walking the Freedom Trail, going to Faneuil Hall and Quincy Market, and more. Good thing they’re young and motivated. I still think they’re going to have trouble getting to all the places they want to go in one day. It makes me tired just thinking about it – oh wait, it’s the fibromyalgia, not the thinking that’s making me tired. But it is an ambitious agenda they’ve set for themselves. It will be interesting to see whether the weather changes any of their plans.
I need to go do something more active than this for a while. Maybe wash dishes. Or start making some of the Christmas ornaments I’m making for our parish Christmas tree. It’s a nice tradition that I’m trying to help carry on. Someone in the parish makes ornaments for the tree and adds a label with the parish name and year. Then, on Christmas Eve/Day, everyone at the services can take one home. Some of us have a large collection of these made over the years. Personally, I don’t tell anyone when I make the ornaments. I do it anonymously (like this writing). I don’t do it for the credit. I do it as a gift to my parish family. So I make sure they’re done early and I get them to the church when there’s no one else around. It’s fun to have a mystery. This time they’ll be beaded.
I think ornament making will win out over the few dishes in the sink.
I confess I’m scared, but I won’t confess that I made them when Christmas time comes around.