For the past few weeks, I’ve been sitting here thinking that my fibromyalgia is fairly well under control. After all, I haven’t had many severe pain flare-ups. I’ve been taking less pain medication. I even managed to make it through a significant stress situation without a flare-up.
So why haven’t I been writing? Why have I been doing the minimum amount of work I can? Why have I felt such a severe lack of motivation?
True, I have had a mild sinus infection. But I’ve been on antibiotics for that.
True, the weather has been totally dreary, dark and stormy for the past few days. But before that, I had enjoyed a full week of sunny, beautiful weather with little more getting accomplished.
True, I lost my license on vacation. But that problem got solved and the vacation was very enjoyable. The people in Illinois were wonderful and friendly. The hockey was good.
True, I have been concerned about unemployed children and friends. But my stepson has found some work, my daughter is drawing unemployment and my friend has an interview this week.
I’ve worked my way through all the reasons I might have for this lull in my motivation and performance. I’ve tried to find reasons (AKA excuses) for it. I’ve chastised my self for being lazy.
I have realized that, while I do need to push myself a bit more to get through this patch, I also have to admit it is likely due to none of those reasons. The cause of this dip in productivity is more likely my fibromyalgia than anything else.
After 44 years with FMS, you would think that would occur to me more quickly. After all, FMS is more than pain. It’s a collection of symptoms that vary not only from person to person, but also within each person who has it. Sometimes it is pain that is predominant. At other times, it is fibro fog or depleted energy.
So I have to admit that it is more likely than not fibromyalgia that is at the root of my recent issues. Now I need to focus on how to overcome this lack of energy and initiative. Easier said than done!
I think the one thing that annoys me more than anything else with respect to fibromyalgia is that it is unpredictable. A close second is its variability. If there were one symptom(e.g. just pain) or if there were one cause (e.g. not eating a certain nutrient), it would be much simpler to cope with. But the unpredictability and variability make it difficult to understand how one feels and to know what to do to improve the immediate problem.
Unpredictability and variability are what also cause fibromyalgia to be misdiagnosed and mistreated, in my opinion. They are the cause of much frustration for the FMS patient.
I’ve learned to be gentle to myself and not beat myself up over my own misunderstandings and misinterpretations of my condition. After all, the condition itself is more than willing to beat me up – why should I contribute to the problem.
So, what should I do now? I need increased energy, pain relief and motivation. I am going to take some pain medication. I am going to get on the treadmill (the only exercise that works for me without increasing pain). I am going to meditate and pray.
I’ll do those things in that order.
After I take a nap!