As I began my vacation in the Canadian Rockies, thrilled that for 2 weeks I would be unreachable by phone, I received an email message from a friend that was utterly disturbing. Suddenly being thousands of miles from home in a country where I had no phone to contact my friend was not quite as wonderful as it had been moments before I read the email.
My friend had to go away on business for a few days. Her husband and teenaged daughter drove her to the airport. That trip was perhaps the last “normal” moment she will have for a while.
I should interject that her teenaged daughter is one of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen in person, with long dark hair, piercing dark eyes and a figure “to die for” as the saying goes. She has been approached to work as a model and I think she could make real money doing just that.
On the way home, after they dropped off my friend, her husband stopped and bought alcohol (the drinking kind not the rubbing kind) for his underaged daughter. I suspect he had some himself. He then proceeded to make sexual advances to his daughter!! Yes, you read that right!! His daughter was able to fight off the advances, so there was no physical damage; however, the psychological trauma was devastating.
This incident is what led to my title. I discussed the whole thing with my husband, since he is a man (big surprise there, I know), and he was as puzzled as I was. How could a man do something like that to his own child?
Yes, the alcohol provided some fuel, to be sure. But the alcohol did not put the idea into this man’s head. What is it with men?
If you think about the sexual abuse of children (at any age), the offenders are most often men. Women (sane ones, at least) do not damage children – especially their own. Women protect their children. In the culture of the Native Americans I work with, children (and women) are considered sacred. They are the ones who carry life into the future. I’m sure it has occurred, but I have never personally heard about or read about a mother who has sexually molested her child. I have heard about many men who have done such things!
Again I ask, what is it with men?
Yes, I’ve read the clichés about men thinking with their penises rather than their brains. I can see how teenaged boys can get carried away, when the strength of those urges are new and unfamiliar. But a man who is old enough to have a 17 year old daughter is a man who is old enough to have learned how to control his sexual urges. A man who is a father ought to be the protector of his family, not the one who damages his family!
My friend is a strong woman who is very protective of her children and her family. She would often speak of how much she loved her husband and her children. She is such a positive person and a role model for those around her. Now she is trying to figure out how to explain these things to her teenaged children — and to herself.
I am so angry for her. I’d like to slap this man upside the head and ask him what on God’s good earth could have made him think this was okay to do, alcohol or not! But I know I’d get the typical answers: I didn’t know what I was doing; the alcohol made me do it; I just couldn’t control myself.
You all know what I’d really like to do to him – I don’t have to spell it out, I’m sure. . .
Maybe I should put the soapbox away for the time being, before I get carried away. After all, I’m a woman – I know how to maintain self-control.