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Archive for the ‘Sexuality’ Category

As I began my vacation in the Canadian Rockies, thrilled that for 2 weeks I would be unreachable by phone, I received an email message from a friend that was utterly disturbing.  Suddenly being thousands of miles from home in a country where I had no phone to contact my friend was not quite as wonderful as it had been moments before I read the email.

My friend had to go away on business for a few days.  Her husband and teenaged daughter drove her to the airport.  That trip was perhaps the last “normal” moment she will have for a while.

I should interject that her teenaged daughter is one of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen in person, with long dark hair, piercing dark eyes and a figure “to die for” as the saying goes.  She has been approached to work as a model and I think she could make real money doing just that.

On the way home, after they dropped off my friend, her husband stopped and bought alcohol (the drinking kind not the rubbing kind) for his underaged daughter.  I suspect he had some himself.  He then proceeded to make sexual advances to his daughter!!  Yes, you read that right!!  His daughter was able to fight off the advances, so there was no physical damage;  however, the psychological trauma was devastating.

This incident is what led to my title.  I discussed the whole thing with my husband, since he is a man (big surprise there, I know), and he was as puzzled as I was.  How could a man do something like that to his own child?

Yes, the alcohol provided some fuel, to be sure.  But the alcohol did not put the idea into this man’s head.  What is it with men?

If you think about the sexual abuse of children (at any age), the offenders are most often men.  Women (sane ones, at least) do not damage children – especially their own.  Women protect their children.  In the culture of the Native Americans I work with, children (and women) are considered sacred.  They are the ones who carry life into the future.  I’m sure it has occurred, but I have never personally heard about or read about a mother who has sexually molested her child.  I have heard about many men who have done such things!

Again I ask, what is it with men?

Yes, I’ve read the clichés about men thinking with their penises rather than their brains.  I can see how teenaged boys can get carried away, when the strength of those urges are new and unfamiliar.  But a man who is old enough to have a 17 year old daughter is a man who is old enough to have learned how to control his sexual urges.  A man who is a father ought to be the protector of his family, not the one who damages his family!

My friend is a strong woman who is very protective of her children and her family.  She would often speak of how much she loved her husband and her children.  She is such a positive person and a role model for those around her.  Now she is trying to figure out how to explain these things to her teenaged children — and to herself.

I am so angry for her.  I’d like to slap this man upside the head and ask him  what on God’s good earth could have made him think this was okay to do, alcohol or not!  But I know I’d get the typical answers:  I didn’t know what I was doing; the alcohol made me do it; I just couldn’t control myself.

Baloney!

You all know what I’d really like to do to him – I don’t have to spell it out, I’m sure. . .

Maybe I should put the soapbox away for the time being, before I get carried away.  After all, I’m a woman – I know how to maintain self-control.

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ABC NEWS Has Come Through For Pine Ridge

Over a year ago, I was contacted by a researcher/producer for ABC News.  She had found one of my blog entries (in which I was chastising ABC for not paying attention to the disasters in the west, especially on the reservations).  She told me they were working on a Diane Sawyer prime time special in her “A Hidden America” series.  The prior one had been on life in Appalachia.  This time they were planning to profile Pine Ridge Reservation.

Those of you who have been reading my blog will know that there is not much that fires up my hopefully righteous passion more than talking about life on Pine Ridge Reservation.  So talk we did, for almost an hour.  And we emailed – resources that they might find helpful.

I had heard that Diane Sawyer was out on the rez this past summer when I was there (no, we didn’t happen to cross paths traveling the approximately 2 million acres on the rez.  But I did here that she went up to KILI Radio one of the days I was there.  Try to keep that quiet when you’re talking to DJ’s.

I am giving you a link to the promo for the show.  Please, if you have ever enjoyed or been moved by anything I have written, I implore you to watch the 20/20 program on Friday at 10 PM.  See with your own eyes the good and the bad of Pine Ridge.  You may not find it possible but this place does exist.  I have been there and I suspect they will not tell you the worst story nor show you the poorest homes.  But it will still be worse than you expect.  After all, the living conditions on Pine Ridge rival those in Haiti and the life expectancy on Pine Ridge rivals that of Burundi.

I work for an organization that works to support self-sufficiency – not an easy thing to have on Pine Ridge.  Many of us work to keep the dam from breaking by trying to improve the life of one person at a time.  The big picture can be truly overwhelming.

If you can’t watch the show when it airs, record it or have a friend record it for you.

I will be honest.  I prayed for someone with greater reach than mine to focus attention on the needs of Pine Ridge.  I did not know (or care) who it would be.  I am grateful to ABC News because I know that if more people see the conditions, they will be moved to respond.  I believe in the American people and I know in my heart that things can improve.  I do not have the answers but I know it can be done.

Thank YOU for helping them to raise awareness.  You can do that by sharing this blog post with everyone you know.

Oh yes, here’s the link to the promo:  http://abcnews.go.com/2020/video/hidden-america-children-plains-14708439#.TpOhj9LOE2E.facebook

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Let me say this right up front, while I’m dusting off my soapbox . . .

I AM NOT A PRUDE!!

And while I’m at it, although I’m 58+ years old, I am not old – my mind has settled in at about 25 years old.  So I am not an “old fogey.”  If you’ve read any of my posts before, you know that I am eclectic in interests and liberal in my approach to social justice.

I have attended R-rated movies and comedy shows.  I’ve even seen an X-rated movie. I’ve seen some recent music videos.

I do, however, occasionally comment on the clothing that young children wear these days and how adult many parents are allowing/assisting their young children to look.  I was horrified that a mother would allegedly inject her grade school aged daughter with Botox.

But NOTHING prepared me for the opening number of the Billboard Awards Show last evening.  I hadn’t planned to watch it.  But the movie I wanted to watch was not on until 9 EDT, so I decided to check out the music awards.  I try to keep current.

The opening number, “S & M“,  featured Rhianna in a white patent leather leotard fashioned in dominatrix style.  By the end of the first phrasing, “I feel so good being bad,” we were being treated to a full, straight-on shot of Rhianna’s crotch as she sat on a bench and moaned her lyrics.  She slinked and slithered around the stage, dancing on a raised platform from which male arms were extended — reaching, of course, for her crotch no matter what position she was in.  She gyrated with a pole, as did Britney Spears, who joined her for the second half of the song.  Britney was clad in a similar black get-up.  Both women were sporting “hand-cuffs” and chains binding their wrists.

Ken Jeong, who was in a popular but tasteless movie recently, was the emcee for the night.  He was raunchy and not particularly amusing.  The song he “sang” with Nicki Minaj tauting the greatness of the show included lyrics such as “This show won’t suck!” and “This show won’t blow!”.  Jeong made suggestive tongue gestures toward Minaj and ended the scene by cupping and shaking his genitals.

The show contained many, many bleeps.  And it contained many words that would have been bleeped in the days of my youth (think of George Carlin’s routine about the 7 words you can’t say on television).  Some of them would not offend me personally today.

HOWEVER, I am ranting about things that don’t necessarily offend me personally because they were aired by ABC (yeah, not FOX) between 8 PM & 8:30 PM EDT on a LIVE show from Las Vegas.  That means it was even earlier in the remainder of the country.

So what??!  So kids — young kids — were watching this raunch.  I saw kids in the 8 to 10 year old range in the live audience in Vegas.  Imagine how many were watching on TV – either with parents who wanted to watch and didn’t think how their kids might be effected or alone in front of their TV, which may have been acting as a baby sitter.  Woe to the kids whose “babysitter” presents them with Rhianna’s crotch.  What lessons were they learning?

It was already my belief that this society brings “sexiness” into children’s lives far earlier than is healthy for them.  The low-cut, skimpy clothes available for little girls are ridiculous.  The raunchy gyrations that 5 year old “cheerleaders” and “dancers” are taught should be illegal.  If you and I made some of those motions on the street or bus, we’d be arrested for lewd and lascivious conduct in public.  But it’s okay to teach them to our young ones.

It astounds me that we allow our kids to wear sexy clothes and make sexy moves in kindergarten, but we refuse to allow them to show genuine loving actions like holding hands or hugging without risk of being accused of sexual harassment.  It’s ludicrous!

So what — I hear some of you saying that.  So what if kids act sexy too early in life.  What difference does that make?

Before I answer, let me ask you one more thing.  If you watched the show last night, how many of the men did you see prancing around in clothing that consisted of little more than fringe over underwear?  Even the ones who were sexy didn’t show everything they owned.  They left something to the imagination.  Boys are not treated the same way.  The are not dressed in skimpy outfits in grade school.  T-shirts and jeans or shorts.  Oh, not those short-shorts the girls wear.  Old fashioned shorts that cover their butts.  They are encouraged to do things, not focus on looking good.

This difference is not new.  Neither are the differences that girls and boys experience as the grow into men and women.

  • Who makes more money to do the same job?
  • Who suffers from more eating disorders from trying to look good?
  • Who suffers from more domestic violence?
  • Who experiences more sexual assaults?
  • Who is expected to contribute to the family income as well as raise the children and maintain the home.

These are just some of the more important inequities that women face.

Why do these inequities still exist after SO many years of trying to right them?!

I would suggest that showing raunchy, relatively explicit sexual moves by scantily clad young women that are idolized as celebrities by children in our society, as occurred in this show, is one of the causes of the difficulty  women still find in their lives as adults.

Do I think this is the only cause?  Of course not; I realize the world is not that simplistic.  However, we need to start thinking about it seriously.  There’s an old saying that children “learn what they live.”  Pretty scary if you think about what some children are obviously living.

Ranting on the soapbox is great for me.  It helps get the steam out of my head.  But just ranting or reading the rant is not going to change a things.  You need to tell the people responsible that you are not amused; that you are “mad as hell and not going to take it any more.”

You know I am nothing if not helpful!  So here are some links to help you express your feelings to the responsible parties.  . . . . . You’re welcome!

Billboard.com Editor, Jessica Letkemann, Jessica.Letkemann@billboard.com

ABC TV:  http://abc.go.com/site/contact-us

Federal Communications Commission commissioners:                      

Chairman Julius Genachowski: Julius.Genachowski@fcc.gov
Commissioner Michael J. Copps: Michael.Copps@fcc.gov
Commissioner Robert McDowell: Robert.McDowell@fcc.gov
Commissioner Mignon Clyburn: Mignon.Clyburn@fcc.gov        Commissioner Meredith Attwell Baker: Meredith.Baker@fcc.gov
Go to it people!  I will!!

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